Nuance
by circonflexe
Summary: Beginning of Lily and James's story. They were people that didn't really see eye to eye, yet somewhere through herbology, friendship, alcohol and the Yule Ball they established a connection. Told through Lily's point of view.
1. First Day

_**Please let me know what you think! This is my first Harry Potter FanFic on here so I'm down for any constructive criticism and suggestions!**_

_**-circonflexe**_

* * *

**First Day**

The sun was bright but the mood was dim, a confusing situation really. Most likely because it was the first day back at school and everything's grim when there are textbooks involved. I'd left my room this morning in a huff, Petunia scowling and grunting at me the whole time. She's still not over my being a part of this world, and a part of me doesn't think she ever will be. We were never truly that close but I feel like we could have been and that bothered me.

I grimaced as the sun shot into my irises, blurring my vision for a moment only to have me trip and fall off the train. I gasped for air before looking around at my scattered belongings and realizing one had gone missing. The most important one.

I crawled to the gap quite desperately but I didn't care, I had to get it back. I reached down between the train and the cement reaching before my fingers brushed the familiar surface of the book's spine. I grabbed it and thrust it up, clinging to it as if it were my life support. I couldn't lose this. I simply couldn't.

Just then I got the wind kicked out of me as a body tripped over mine.

"Oy, the bloody hell is this." came the surprised obnoxious voice. Of course it was none other than James Potter.

I scowled at the back of his head before he turned around and returned the grimace.

"Ugh get out of my way Evans."

Before I could retort I was being helped up by none other than James Potter's right hand man, Sirius Black.

"Give the girl a break Potter, I swear your glasses don't even work half the time, I don't know how you couldn't have seen her."

James simply chuckled to his friend before spinning on his heel and disappearing from view. Sirius apologized bashfully and ran after his friend, slinging his hard across his back shoulder, the two of them dying of laughter over something, probably me.

He disgusted me. From the very start Potter had acted as if I he was king of the year , not noticing anything past Sirius's tousled hair. I swear they had the most confusing bromance I'd ever seen.

I stood there fuming for a while before a tall dark string haired familiar presence came to join me by my side, crouching to my level and mimicking my scrunched up face.

"What are we staring at?" asked Severus.

"Just at a couple of idiots," I replied coldly before shuffling off in a hurry.

* * *

I scribbled down whatever I could muster of Sprout's banter. She had decided to skip past the first day no work casualties to all the amazing technical facts of spells of our first quiz next week. Perfect, thank you. Just what I needed to start this semester off, some arthritis.

"Psst."

I turned to my side, seeing Sirius's eyes come through that mop on his head.

"What?" I whispered back.

"Can I borrow a quill, I lost mine."

"Its the first day, you're already starting it like this?"

"So?"

"Fine." I muttered curses under my breath as I threw the quill in his direction, nearly knocking over his ink bottle.

Just then I felt a thump on my head this time. I turned towards Sirius only to see a crumpled up note right next to me. I coyly opened to see a small yet simple question: Want to be my partner?

My head spun until I was making contact with a bashful Sirius who had a silently laughing James next to him. Boys never asked me anything unless it was a joke, so thats what this must have been to them. A sick joke. I grimaced and turned my attention back to the front of the room.

"Now this will be one of our few lectures held in this auditorium, the rest will be in the greenhouse where you will be rearing and growing your own herbs and plants. Also this year, we've decided to do things a little bit differently," she looked down excitedly at her note pad before continuing.

"We will be combining this year's Advanced Herbology course with Potions into one cohesive unit. You will grow and rear your own ingredients and aim to create a designated brew each week, you will be doing this in teams of two for which I will be assigning next class, any questions?"

She looked around the room before calling on James who had his hand raised a little too high for my liking.

"Yes, James."

"Can one of the brews be a shampoo for Severus? I think he's run out for the last 5 years."

The whole class exploded in laughter, taking several minutes before it reached back its calm.

Sprout crinkled her nose in bemusement with Potter's comment.

"Ah starting off the year splendidly Mr. Potter aren't we? A week's detention."

I turned my head back around and threw the note from behind me, it contained an angry responsive drawing and I wanted them to get caught.

"I saw that Ms. Evans, detention for you as well."

My head bolted upright in alert.

"But that is completely not fair-" I was cutoff by the bell as well as everyone rampaging cattle-like exit.

Sprout just looked at me with pity as I stood there dumbfounded. Detention? Me? Was this a joke? How the hell did she even see that?

Severus waited patiently for me to come out of my stupor as I contemplated numerous revenge plots. We'd been very close earlier on, before Hogwarts when he'd told me about his world and that he recognized I could do magic. But ever since first year we'd been sorted into different houses which had caused us to kind of drifted apart over the years, only keeping in contact during the school year in whatever classes we had together, which was rare. However, it was last year, when I'd stood up to Potter bullying him that he'd called me "_a filthy mudblood._" Something that was actually quite hard to forget no matter how hard I tried, my heart would not forgive him.

"You don't have to wait up Severus, I'll be fine."

"You sure?"

"Positive."

He shrugged before heading towards the door, pausing in the doorway, "Thanks for that," he mumbled.

"Don't mention it." I answered back, still dazed and contemplating my next week in hell, hardly registering the sound of my former friend's fleeting footsteps.


	2. Saturday or Wineday?

**Here's another chapter! Let me know what you think :)x**

* * *

I scratched my eyes, I'd slept a good half of my Saturday according to my clock and had only been awoken now by an ongoing noise. Getting up was a challenge, but when I had managed I peered over the side of the banister to see exactly what had been going on.

The room was filled with Gryffindors, everyone smiling and happily clinking what seemed to be alcoholic beverages. I noticed the surrounding decorations that read _Congratulations team_. Oh right. Today had been the first Quidditch match, Homecoming. I guess this meant we had won, go figure. I was glad that the common room was dominated by people mainly of my year, even the Prefect was drunk off his ass. I observed quietly, contemplating whether or not to join them. The tri-wizard cup was just around the corner which meant more festivities, including the infamous Yule Ball. Ugh, just the thought of a dance made my stomach turn as I reached for the nearest bottle of wine. That's it, I was taking charge this year would be great and this year would be grand if it was one of the last things I did. I was tired of doing what everyone expected of me.

I returned to my room and changed quickly from pyjamas to a casual dress and a Gryffindor scarf. No one would know I'd missed the game, I'd blend right in, which wouldn't be that hard with 75% of the Gryffindor House intoxicated. As I got dressed I drank sporadic amounts of the bottle and was nearly finished before I was out the door, placing it down on the table with all the empties.

"Lily!"

_Oh no. _

"Where were you, I haven't seen you all day! Were you at the game? What a cute dress! Where did you get it? Do you think they have it in my size? Oh maybe I could just borrow it?" I laughed at Molly Prewett's inquisition. She wasn't quite the social butterfly sober but man did she loosen up with liquor.

"I got it a last year in Hogsmeade. I forget what shop.. but yeah sure I guess you could borrow it."

She simply looked up at me with a drunken smile before staggering away towards Arthur Weasley. The whole year knew they were smitten for each other, now the thing would be if they would finally admit it to themselves and just go out already.

I smiled at nothing in particular, as one does when they have half a mind and a bottle of wine running through theirr veins. Everything was gold and happy, I liked that.

I didn't notice but I was wandering around just aimlessly smiling at everyone, getting equal drunk smiles in return. I loved Homecoming, I loved Hogwarts, I loved this wizarding world. I Just loved everything.

Just then I collided with someone, who nearly spilt their drink on me.

"Watch it!" I shrieked.

"Woah, calm down-" said a familiar voice, pausing for a moment, "wow you don't look half bad Evans."

Of course it was this asshole. But why was my face getting hot? He disgusted me and had just pretty much insulted my everyday appearance, yet for some reason I didn't move.

"No really, I mean it." James Potter said coyly, smiling (not smirking?) at me.

"You're drunk." I dismissed his compliment, turning away.

He grabbed my hand and chuckled, "Yeah but so are you."

I frowned at him, unsure of what to do since he had my hand and the fact that he was touching me was barely registering.

"Wanna do something about it?"

I scoffed when I realised what he was insinuating, but still remained mute.

"Follow me."

He was still holding my hand as he led me further and further away from the party and the golden glow, and for some reason I didn't seem to mind all that much.

* * *

He led me down a winding staircase, which one I could not tell you. I barely knew this path when I was sober let alone intoxicated. Why was I going along with this? Why? The answer didn't come verbally to me but I could feel it. This was _fun._

After some minutes of walking we ended up at the end of an empty hallway with only a huge door to call company.

"So um…"

"Shh!" He whispered putting his other hand to my lips briefly.

There was a burst of warm where he'd touch me and I could not shake it off in this state.

James peered around before opening the doors where a gust of warm air flooded in, greeting us. And then there we were outside, at the cloisters. I scowled unimpressed because I'd been expecting some forbidden chamber or _something_ more exciting than something I saw on my daily pedestrian commute to class.

He disregarded my look of bemusement and sat on the brim of one, I followed for some unknown reason.

"It's darker here, so I don't have to see your face." He joked as he pulled out a cigarette and lit it.

He noticed my look of bewilderment.

"Kidding! I really need a smoke break after that win, all those people exhaust me."

I frowned, still unimpressed. He then pulled out a flask from his side pocket and took a swig of it, passing it to me.

I don't know why it seemed like a good idea, but I didn't want to seem less tough in front of him so I took it from his hands roughly and took a swig myself, instantly regretting it. It tasted like swamp water mixed with mustard and burning.

"So not a vodka fan?" He laughed as he finished off his cigarette throwing the butt on the ground and stomping on it and taking the flask back.

"Not entirely. I'm not a fan of you though." I said squarely, crossing my arms. Man was the sass coming out.

He looked at me raising an eyebrow, "Oh? and why's that?"

"Where do I begin? You're arrogant, you're selfish, you're all kinds of awful and to top it off you're just plain rude."

He stood there dumbfounded for a moment, then took a step closer.

I ignored this advance and kept on babbling, "You're inconsiderate, you think you're all high and mighty, you're hair is not THAT much better than Severus's, let's face it and- what?" I stopped mid rant noticing his intense gaze.

"Kiss me."

"I beg your pardon? I will not, you may be attractive and I may be drunk but I am not stupid-" I stood there as he cut me off.

"Shut up."

And I don't know but in that moment, the way he was looking at me wasn't the James I knew, wasn't the asshole I saw in the hallways, this was different, this was…I couldn't describe it.

He lowered his gaze and his breath slowed until he was inches in front of me.

"Now kiss me."

So I did.


	3. Monday Funday

James Potter. I was making out with James Potter._ What the bloody hell was wrong with me? _I didn't know what the answer was to that question, nor did I intend on finding its answer.

He kissed me urgently, our lips separating only to allow the air's brief flow into our lungs (which heaven knows we needed).

He held me closer, fingers brushing my spine, sending lightning forms of energy all throughout my body. He led me backwards slowly then all at once until my back was up against the castle's wall.

I felt his breathing, quiet and collected, as he pulled away from my mouth and started gently kissing at my neck. I surprised myself, letting out a moan. It felt so good to be touched, to be held, to be kissed.

I thanked my lucky stars that I'd stocked up on prior romantic comedy knowledge to know what to do next because instinctively, for some reason unknown reason, I leaned closer into him before jumping up and curling my legs around his torso. I felt his lips break into a smile on my neck before they made their way back to my mouth.

* * *

I woke up to a soar neck and a subsiding headache. It was Monday. I had slept off a hangover Sunday and I had kissed James Potter on Saturday. Monday, which meant class, which meant facing the music, or in this case, Potter's posse.

I groaned and turned over to the other side of my bed, sleeping an extra 15 minutes before the last of my alarms started going bezerk. How I loathed the final wake up call.

I got ready in a grumpy stupeur, somehow managing to put my robes on, shower and do my makeup all within an hour timeframe, a major improvement from my prior 10 minutes waking up and going straight to class with no shits given about my appearance that I'd practiced during my first couple years at Hogwarts. And I'd wondered why no boys had talked to me besides Severus?

I made my way through the common room, smiling at passers-by, I got a few hellos but mostly nods. It was really starting to hit home how few people I had been close with prior to Severus. I shook off the negative thought as I winded down some staircases and prayed the first hallway to the left was the one I needed.

Something seemed to be on my side because it was indeed the Natural Sciences hallway. I was rather cheery, my hangover was gone and I was pretty sure I didn't hate Potter half as much as I thought I had.

Taking my seat at the edge of the second row just as Potter and Co. strode through the doorway, I managed looked up casually and gave a hello and a simple how are you as James walked right on by flat out ignoring me, throwing a sneer in my direction.

I sat there, stupefied. Here I was, trying to be a decent human being in greeting another human being and asking what state they were in only to be snubbed in full daylight. Goodness, its not like I'd professed an account of love to him or anything.

_Could he BE anymore arrogant?_

In all my inner mental analysis was trying to process that it was impossible for James Potter to be any less than arrogant, I'd missed the fact that Sirius had actually voiced a good morning, I mumbled a response and continued on my analysis, sinking further and further down in my chair.

The bell rang, signaling the beginning of class but Professor Sprout was still nowhere to be found. This resulted in a restless chatter amongst the students, waiting for that 15 minute mark to which if she did not show up, everyone would be free to flee. Suddenly I was thankful that I'd picked this edge seat. A clear escape route, if anything.

Lucius Malfoy's voice became ever so audible from the back where Satan and his crew resided.

"So I heard you hooked up with a Mudblood."

"I don't remember much of Saturday night but I can assure you that is _not_ something I recall." James retorted.

_There's no way he didn't remember it. _

"Not just any Mudblood but Severus's Mudblood." I could hear the venom spewing from Lucius's voice.

"Your head must be still throbbing from that bludger you took to the head on Friday Malfoy."

_Maybe he didn't?_

"I'm just saying, Crabbe saw you both leaving the Gryffindor Common Room on his way to the Great Hall."

"Crabbe's mental, we both know that. Give him a conquest for the Great Hall's midnight buffet and whatever other drug he's pumping and he's bound to see Nearly Headless Nick's head come off… Anyways, hooking up is hooking up. Might as well have some fun while we're here is my way of looking at it."

"I'll never understand how you can associate with Mudbloods like her, as much as talk to the ones on your team."

"If you recall, I don't talk to them unless I have to. Regardless, they're still people Malfoy, don't be a complete asshole. The world needs all sorts."

All sorts. All sorts? _What the hell _did he mean by that? They were all assholes, point blank. The whole pure blooded lot of them.

Just then Professor Sprout bustled into the classroom carrying a mountain of papers almost equivalent to her own height (what a tiny woman).

"Sorry class, I had to sort out some illegal plant activity going on in the greenhouse."

I heard snickers from behind as well as a scoff (undoubtedly Sirius).

"It appears that someone's been trying to grow hallucinogenic fungi as well as an herb that can only be described in the Muggle World as 'Marijuana.'"

The whole class exploded in laughter. The fact that someone had started growing pot on Hogwarts grounds was so out blandly hilarious that even I forgot the stupid boys for a moment.

"Quiet quiet!" Sprout yelled as she tried to reclaim the order in the classroom, "I'll be assigning your groups for the semester so listen up."

I began drifting back into my thoughts as she called out one group after another, I forgot how large my year was and how this class somehow fit to everyone's timetable since everyone seemed to be in the room.

"Group 34: Lily Evans, James Potter and Sirius Black."

A look of disgust graced my face as I turned slowly around in my seat to look into my new teammates faces.

Sirius, gentle soul that he was, saluted me. Potter however didn't look at me at all, in fact he pretended to not even notice me at all as he scribbled away on his paper. I turned around in a huff, contemplating throwing a bludger at his head.

Just then a ball of paper hit me from behind, I looked around only to see James's blank, unreadable look as I unraveled the piece of paper, briefly looking down to see, there written in his perfect handwriting: _It wasn't a dream was it?_


	4. Beerday

**Here's another chapter!**  
**Enjoy, Let me know what you think :)x**

* * *

I made my way slowly to detention room. Great. Fucking great.

I had a weeks worth of detention with James, the anti-Christ. He thinks he could just all fix this with his whole 'was that a dream note?' well news flash: he couldn't. Especially since right after he'd thrown that note and I'd thought that for one moment he was genuine he'd just laughed with Sirius and looked in my direction.

I took my seat near the back, wanting as little to do with the front as possible where Sprout and James were situated. James was already seated near the front, scribbling away at something.

"Miss Evans, could you come up here? I'd like to have you both here so I can keep an eye on you."

I made my way reluctantly to the front and sat a few seats away from him. I couldn't let him get to me, and the best way I could think was to have as little contact as possible.

"Now I was looking at your Herbology grades from the previous year and your OWL examinations results and I have to say you did very well Miss Evans."

I smiled, if there was one thing I didn't mind that was shallow praises for something I knew I was good at. Just a confidence booster if you will.

James scoffed, causing Sprout to scowl and turn to his direction

"However I am concerned for you Mr. Potter, you barely managed to pass my class last year and your OWL result was most alarming. You're lucky the main part of the grades are coming from the group project this year, you should maybe look into getting a tutor," and with that she closed the discussion, opened her scroll and began scribbling notes and muttering to herself.

* * *

Time seemed to go by monstrously slowly, but when it did come to an end, I was more than relieved and almost fell out of my seat.

"Alright, that's it for today, same time on Thursday," Sprout said, nodding curtly before dismissing us and going back to her scroll.

I ran out into the hallway, relishing in the somewhat fresh air (anything was fresh when you weren't in a dim room for two and a half hours). I started to make my way back to my dorm, excited about the excursion to Hogsmeade this afternoon (Thank God the detention hadn't dragged passed it), I had been so butterbeer deprived this summer i was beginning to consider drinking real beer (yuck). I heard and saw a pair of feet coming in line with me, I glanced to my right to see Potter, walking smugly next to me.

"Want to tutor me?"

I almost snorted I laughed so hard. This was a joke right?

"Im serious," he said with a frown.

"No."

"Please."

"Let me rephrase that: No way in hell."

"Why not?"

"No means no James, I don't need to give you a reason," I pushed passed him, picking up my pace, leaving him dumbfounded as to why any girl would say no to James Potter.

* * *

I slammed down the goblet of butterbeer, "Another!" I shouted giddily.

"I've never seen you this happy," Molly observed, "What has gotten into you exactly?"

"If you'd just spent two and half hours sitting and counting the amount of droplets that leaked from the ceiling then you'd understand," I replied curtly, trying to refrain from my need to be my usual bitchy self. Mollie had come up to me and sat with me all on her own, and seeing my current lack of a social circle, I was in no way to pass up friends.

"Yeah, that must've been horrid, with James nonetheless."

"You have no idea."

"I'll go get us a couple more, maybe Arthur will actually notice me when I walk by this time."

"Goodluck!" I yelled after her as she disappeared into the crowd of teenagers.

Just then, as quickly as she'd vacated her seat, another presence filled it. This one however was none other than Sirius Black.

"Hey Lily what's up?" He smiled flashing his perfect teeth, and leaning an elbow on the counter.

I raised my eye coyly at him, "Nothing too out of the ordinary, why, what's up with you Sirius? Why are you talking to me? Isn't pureblood associating with 'Mudbloods' frowned upon in your culture?"

"I don't really keep up with that shit, you're a person aren't you? Just like me, so there's no reason not to talk to you." I tried to hide how touched I felt by his words, I nodded my head, motioning him to go on.

"Well you know how James kind of almost failed herbology last year-"

"Listen if you're here to convince me to tutor that melodramatic bastard then I'm out."

"Lily, he's not all that bad, he's human underneath all that he puts on for everyone. I mean, you should know that, right?" it was his turn to raise an eyebrow in my direction. Of course he knew, they were best friends but still they were guys. I didn't think that news travelled that fast, nor that James was such a gossip girl.

"Yeah yeah but the fact that he only treats me like a half decent human being when he's drunk isn't a real dealmaker if you know what I mean."

"You intrigue him you know."

"I what?"

"He never shuts up about how much you piss him off but I think that's code for he's interested, in James speak so to say."

I took this opportunity to smack him on the head.

"_Ne raconte-moi pas de bétises."_

"I have no idea what you just said but that was pretty hot. See look you're ions smarter than any of us. Please Lily! He's going to fail his Herbology OWLs if you don't, he barely got by last year. He's only in our herbology class this year because his father made a deal with the headmaster to combine it with potions, the one thing he's actually good it besides Defense a."

"Are you serious?" My eyes lit up at this news

"Oh my God, I shouldn't have said that. I should not have said that. Just forget I just said that okay? Just please reconsider. Tutor him, I guarantee you it won't be a complete waste of time because he is a quick learner, you just have to be patient and apply it in the right way."

I looked down, unsure, what would this change? Anything? Everything?

"He'll pay for your Yule Ball gown."

My ears perked up, "You don't say…" I scratched my chin considering it before sighing in defeat. I did need the funds, I really did not want to wear last year's hasbeens and from the Muggle world no less.

"Fine, I can only do Sunday nights though."

Sirius's eyes lit up, "Really? Great! I'll tell him right now! I'll make sure he's on time."

He got up off the bar stool, making his way to the back where the pool table was, undoubtedly where Potter and the rest of his posse were to be found, before turning around and looking me square in the face.

"Thank you, Lily." And then he disappeared.

Something about his sincerity made my heart warm, why couldn't James take lessons out of Sirius's book. The guy was a natural gentleman, unlike Potter and his spoiled Prince persona.

Molly came back, two butterbeers in hand.

"What just happened?" she said inquisitively looking where Sirius had gone and back to me.

"I basically just sold my soul for fashion."

She handed me my glass and raised hers, "I can drink to that all night."


End file.
